That Country Called Africa!

Mandela Fela Kantanka Dangote, University of Ghana

My name is Mandela Fela Kantanka Dangote from Africa. Yes, I am from a whole continent with about 54 countries. With my name and where I come from, you’ll probably be picturing a man dressed in a leopard skin holding a spear with one leg placed on a dead lion. Fortunately or unfortunately, I’m in suit and tie at the moment but I’m typing this sitting on top of a mango tree (My home); technology huh? Oh I have to go feed my elephants; they just arrived home walking around the jungle. It’s sunset and the kangaroos are coming around too. I’m going to use my spear to hunt one for dinner; and then use stones to make fire because colonization didn’t bring enough matchsticks and gas cylinders to make fire with.

You list my problems for me in the movies: corruption, ebola, terrorism, and child soldiers? I wish you would also make movies about the awesome beaches, museums, waterfalls, mountains and safaris that you enjoyed visiting while you stayed here and shot your movies. 

Have you heard about Tiwa Savage, Black Coffee, M.I ABAGA, Wizkid, Alikiba, Stonebwoy, Sarkodie? How about Osibisa Band, Hugh Masekela, Fela Kuti? I have some beautiful traditional music too. Do you even want to listen? If you don’t know my music, what music do you play when you try to tell my story for me?

Halleluyah! My grand mum told me you introduced them to Jesus. Well Jesus talked about doing good to people and not letting your right hand know what your left hand is doing (Mathew 6:3-4). When was the last time you helped someone in my “country” Africa without bringing along your camera crew and News channels to broadcast live and let everyone know you’re about to donate some bags of rice.
Honestly, I like it when there is a situation and you try to help. I just wish there are no strings attach.

Did you know I have a hot tub in my house? I mean actual hot tub not a well dug out in some muddy area. At this point, you are probably wondering how a hot tub will fit on a tree. I know right, I shouldn’t have told you; because your idea about the life I live and what I do is different from what it actually is.

Innovations? My name is Kantanka and I manufacture cars. Google me!

Entrepreneurship? Again, my name is Dangote. Google me! 

Haha,I’m not going to tell you to google Mandela or Fela!

I’m sorry my English is not too good but I hope you understand my message. I speak five(5) other beautiful languages if you’re interested I can teach you.

Please stop asking me about voodoos I don’t have. If I have voodoo, I would use it to get my gold back. If I have voodoo I would use it to change the false stories and pictures the media post about me.

I have problems like you do. Some of my leaders make certain wrong decisions. Hey, to err is man. Your leaders make bad decisions too. Think about it.

I haven’t been able to visit all the 54 African countries because unlike how you make it seem in the movies, we are far apart. It’s impossible to even walk from one region to another within a country let alone walk from one country to another. 

I am not angry. Why would I be? I just want to correct certain stereotypes. I have seen a lot of articles that seek to do same but after this if you still don’t change your mindset about me, I would have to invite you here my friend.

Africa is not a country. We don’t walk around bare chested with just a cloth hanging around our waist. We also wear Ralph Lauren, Nikes and Adidas just like you do. Nobody lives on a tree; well the birds do. Unless you consider them Africans then you’re right. We have houses more beautiful than what I see you live in. 
Here is a surprise, I have never seen a lion or elephants yet and I am past 21years old. Stop making it seem like I share my bedroom with a tiger.